...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
