you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize