Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
