dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
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