i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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