god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
