The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
