I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
