I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Someone signed my nipple.
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