Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I need water and some morals
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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