instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
