I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
