My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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