i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
