ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
