dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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