'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
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