The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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