I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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