So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize