Fine. I'll sleep in my office
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
