I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
this will be a night to untag.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize