Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
