I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
