Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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