I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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