I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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