hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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