please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
