I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
