Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Why are your pants in the freezer?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
