If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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