she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
