I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
