And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
