We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
