i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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