I should be sponsored by Trojan
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
