Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
