I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
