God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
