I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
