So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
