just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
