I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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