I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize