who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You pole danced in your parka.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
There are leaves in my underwear?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
