And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
it's great music for shaving your balls
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Randomize
