From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize