so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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