so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
