i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
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