Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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