one might say we're banned from that church
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
