Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
