If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
wow bdsm is so cute
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
