I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
