Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
