We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize