In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
