Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
