I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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