I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
