i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
