I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize