I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
