Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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