i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
