I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
