True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
