I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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