You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize