I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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