I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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