my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You ate ashes out of my bong
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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