It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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