I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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