I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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