im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
