I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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