nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Randomize