Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
