ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
