I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
