Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
