After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
