just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
