dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize