Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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