Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
