I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
