its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize