In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
