2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Randomize
