His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
