No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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