Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
