So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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