Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
