whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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