I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just had sex on a roof
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
