I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
