I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
